morning lights;

Sometimes, it gets so hard to breathe. I thank my constantly blocked nose for that.
It's frightening and yes, I am scared.

I've been thinking bout people. And the more I thought bout it, the sadder it became.

Why are people nowadays so selfish? So self-centred and conceited? Why do people only think about what would benefit themselves? From the everyday working people to the politicians to the professionals to even the basic fishmongers in the markets and the little food stall owners by the roadside. Even they are thinking of every possible way to benefit themselves and obtain the most profit possible from the public by selling their items at the highest price that remains within the "reasonable range". They don't even care if they used the lowest quality of items. They just want to profit.

People manipulate each other just so they can get the best out of each other. Or they use each other as company. And when they're done or bored? They walk away, just like that.

On the outside, people smile at each other. They can work, congregrate, celebrate and mourn together. But on the inside, beyond the pretentious masquerade, who's to know what is really going on in their minds?

I have lost faith in mankind. And sadly, I might just be everything I just listed down too. After all, I am part of "people".

Honestly, this is not even half of what I really have caught up inside of me. I can't express myself as well as I could before. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't. This is how time has changed me. And with every experience that passes by, I lose that ability even more.

I don't want your sympathy. Really, I don't. That's the last thing I want right now. I know that although you may care today, someday you'll pick up your feet and get a move on. And maybe I don't blame you. I was the one being so stupid and blundering my way into something I did not fully know and understand. Putting myself out there in the battlefield to be vulnerable to countless dangers despite already foreseeing what was to come. Now the pain comes and goes. But when it's here, it's really here.

I don't want your sympathy.


Last night, I spent my time staring at the ceiling in the dark again. This time I stared at the faint rays of light there that came from the streetlights outside. This time I stared until those faint light rays faded by themselves,
and all I could see was black.